The Beginning

               In August I graduated cum laude with a degree in sociology after nearly two decades bemoaning the string of poor choices that led to constantly describing my life as the “saga of a college dropout.”  I’ve been many things in this world.  I’ve worked in fast food, cleaned shit out of dog kennels, been the weadeater guy for a landscaping company, a photographer at Dixie Stampede, a supervisor at the now long-defunct Kmart.  But my specialty is butchery.  I’ve cut meat for 15 years and been some sort of a manager for seven.  Who would have thought running a meat market could land you earning a pharmacist’s six-figure income after quarterly bonuses?  But as horrible as the pandemic was, it provided me with caviar, raw oysters, and single malt scotch for my 35^th birthday.  And now I’m back, baby!!!  But we’ll get to that.  Let’s start from the beginning…

               I spent the past year leaving my meat cutting job early every day to attend to my collegiate studies.  All I wanted was to throw away my scimitars, mesh steel gloves, and butcher’s smock, and have a custom knife forged with a reverse-edged blade like Rurouni Kenshin as a symbol that I would never cut meat again.  I had dreams of grad school and becoming a professor.  But that all changed in August.  So…the low down dirty is I had this graduation party with all my meat cutter work friends, my old friends from the first time I was in college, and Jessica.  She worked for me six years ago when I was a market manager and we reconnected in 2022 when out of the blue I received a text asking for a job at my new company.  I was no longer a manager but had quickly moved up the ranks to “lead cutter.”  And we got her on as a seafood clerk.  She did well and was now the assistant seafood manager.  Ala…technically my boss.  Anyway, back to the party.  Or, well, the next morning…

               I was drunk and high on gummies.  My platonic friend Eva, my sister from a different mister, was sleeping on a cot in my bedroom when I received the most unusual of text messages. 

               Jessica: “Do you think we’d make a good couple?”

               I woke Eva up in disbelief. 

               “Well, do you have feelings for her?”

               “I do.”

               “WELL!!!  Say something!”

               All I could muster back via text was a stoic “I think so.”  Which has become a running joke in our relationship.

               My friends and I were dropping off my old dryer at Jessica’s that morning.  She was going through a rough divorce and had moved out of her home and into a small, two-bedroom apartment in the part of Fayettenam that gives it its bad name.  She had a tv on the floor but no internet access.  A few posters on the wall.  A foldout couch.  And that’s about it.  Spartan is the term for it.  But now she had a dryer.  No washing machine but an old beat-up dryer.  We hadn’t talked all morning after my “I think so” response so the meeting was a bit awkward.  I could overhear Eva and her talking about the texts.

               “Promise me you’ll get Josh out more.  He used to be so social and now he never wants to leave his house.”  Eva said.

               I was still slightly high and drunk from the party, but this was edging into hangover mode so I dipped into the whiskey my friends left after I got home and they headed back to South Carolina.  That’s when the conversation between Jessica and I continued.  Halfway through the bottle I called her boss, my hunting and a fishing buddy, who had been at the party the previous night.  Jessica’s father died when she was young so in a strange sort of way I asked her boss for permission to date her.

               “I hope you’re not biting off more than you can chew,” he noted.  “She’s got two kids.”

               “I know, I know.” I replied.

               I was drinking too much and I knew it.  But I was also single and didn’t have a lot going on after I graduated.  But…I reminded him…I didn’t always have to be this way.  I could change.  I would treat her right, I affirmed.  All these years I just wanted someone to love and a family and to settle down and not be this little alcoholic ball of sarcasm and one-liners.  By the end of the conversation, I had his blessing.  And I took it seriously.

               Only a month into this relationship things took a serious turn.  As they do when you’re also factoring in two kids.  I didn’t have any money, and I felt bad when I couldn’t afford to get the kiddos a snack or to stop by Taco Bell on the way home from school.  So…I asked Jessica…” how would you feel about me being a manager again?”  She didn’t have a problem with it, but we had an understanding that I wouldn’t let it consume my life again.  No more seven-day work weeks, canceling vacations, etc.  Work/life balance because I now had her and the kids to consider.  And that’s when I came crawling back to the company I swore I would never again work for.  Funny thing is it went over well.

               I got a call from my old boss.

               “What you wanna do?” he asked.  “Run a market again?”

               “Yeah.”

               “I never meant to run you off.  I was trying to help you.”

               “I know.” I replied.  “I’m grown up a lot over these past three years.  I’ve seen a lot of shitty management and I know I can do better.”

               “Well, your main problem was you had that girl stuck in your head.”

               “Yeah.  But that’s over.  I’ve got a good one now.  I think this will be the last one I ever have to introduce to mom and dad.”

               “Good.  I’m happy for you.  I’m hiring you back.  How much you want?”

               I returned as an assistant market manager.  Many programs had changed since I left that I needed training to master.  I worked overtime at every opportunity while I was still hourly.  My lease expired in December, and I moved in with Jessica and the kiddos.

               “I want to turn this house into a home,” I explained to her.

               I got her internet, a new washer and dryer, racks because we have no closet space, a standup pantry because we have no cabinet space, a water cooler so we don’t leave bottles everywhere, a deep freezer, chairs, blankets, towels, a robot vacuum, bikes for the kids, and I buy all the groceries.  She doesn’t charge me a penny of rent.  And the thing is…she never asks for anything.  I’m just making good money again and I spoil her.  She and the kiddos are my first thought waking up each day.  Like, how can I make them happy?

               I’m about to get my own market soon and make even more money.  But what Jessica appreciates is not all the gadgets and what-nots I can provide.  What she values is time with me.  So, I’ve come to a point where I set boundaries at work.  Yes, I will come in on my day off but only until a certain time.  Y’all have me until she drops the kids off at school and comes home.  Then I’m hers.  Or, y’all have me until the kids get off the bus.  Then I’m theirs.  I feel so much love and have so much love to give.  Again, this is my love story to Jessica.  I want her to know each and every day how I feel about her.  How she changed my life.  The same way I keep flowers on the counter.  As cheesy as it sounds, I always have fresh flowers for her.  They may fade and die, but my love never will.  Just as a fresh set of roses brightens the room, my commitment to love her each and every day blooms again as the sun rises.